“But I can hardly sit still. I keep fidgeting, crossing one leg and then the other. I feel like I could throw off sparks, or break a window–maybe rearrange all the furniture.”
― Raymond Carver
Last night, I got home from a week on a small island in the grenadines. My skin sun soaked and my hair whipped wild from the wind, I felt the joy of being home, surrounded by the comforts life has afforded me. The house I stayed in on the island was perfect, secluded, quiet. No clocks or tv’s, wifi but just barely, open windows were the AC, and the music was the constantly crashing waves. At the time, it didn’t feel wild. It just felt like freedom.
Now, I feel like a wild animal in captivity. For a week, I rose at 5am with the sun as it entered my windows. I feel a asleep each night to the howling wind and crashing sea (some where near 8:30-9 ish, after all we have electricity and a good book is hard to put down!), but the silence here is deafeningly quiet. Sure there are small noises and I can hear the train toot it’s horn through out the night, but the “nature” is lacking. Last night was the first night I didn’t look up at the stars and the moon before going to sleep (disclaimer, I feel DID fall asleep in the crib with Bug at 8:30pm. So that may have been the problem. Not the lack of visibility here). My black out shades in my bedroom keep any hint of sunrise or set or time or light from my sleeping space. I only woke because, well, I’m not tired. My how we have removed ourselves so far from natures beauty and surroundings!
i want to keep my wild hair and my wild thoughts. The internal fires within are stoked and burning, my creativity and desires are burning a hole with me, itching to be out into work. Even Bug has a wildness about him! Last night was like having a little lost boy in the house 🙂 The wildness may be contagious, hug me with caution or with enthusiasm. You have been warned. But back to what I really want to know…. How do I keep this freedom, this wildness within in a place that has basically pushed nature out? I have no answers. I have plenty of thoughts about it, like keeping our time free and playing plenty outdoors. Splashing in water daily and losing track of time. Practicing yoga with the waking sun and the sleepy earth, saying hello to this beachy wild woman and asking her to stay. Of course, we shall see how long that lasts, after all the few things I am excited about are having a washing machine and a dish washer. Some things just make life easy for a wild woman 😉
ps, I’ll be posting some photos from my vacay later this week and I have plenty of other exciting yoga related things to write about too…. When this wild woman makes the time 🙂