this is that weird part in parenthood, where you have this part of you living outside your body. There is literally a piece of your heart and soul breathing on their own, eating their own food, and sleeping outside of your body. And for me, it’s happening all over again.
When Bug* was born, my heart exploded (and truly I credit him for my love of teaching heart based, gratitude filled yoga!) and now with Brolly* (* I hope you know by now, these aren’t their actual names. Just the nicknames we have come up with for them.), I feel as if the world were being viewed from rose colored glasses (except for those times when I see the danger in everything and the difference in how I grew up and how these boys will grow up). To say that I am living in the space of the heart and soul is an understatement.
Both these boys have shown me and continue to show me the beauty in being present, that joy and disappointment happen, but that at the end of the day there is nothing that being held, hugged, or tickled can’t cure (that or some sliced strawberries per Bug, maybe some chocolate for me)!
You may be wondering then where the “living in the space between” part comes in to this love soaked post… Well, it ain’t all glitz and glam!
Life with a toddler and a newborn is… Different. Needs are different, the time for snuggling one or the other varies, yet both require mom’s attention when they want it (NOW is the usual time frame). And one is awake all day (no naps), leaving the other to be up most of the night. Sleep is foreign, coffee is often! Yet, none of these deter the love, they just make it all that much more sweeter. The balance between the two boys is the tip of the space in between ice berg though.
I started teaching the other night (my favorite Sunday class), Brolly came with me, because he can. It was fine, not perfect. I brought the wrong carrier (front pack is totally hands free option, which is way better for me), he fussed more than he has the first two weeks of his entire life (of course!), and I am pretty sure I had a person or two who didn’t like children (I got nothing, I’m sure they were none too happy about it all). I taught a great class, not my best, but still better than my worst day. I did come face to face with the concept of balance. Balancing anything is merely an idea, not an actual thing. I found myself comforting Brolly and getting lost in that for a moment. Not so long that I forgot where I was, just a moment or four.
Balancing home life and work life is not a strange concept, every parent battles it. I’m no exception. I LOVE teaching yoga. I also LOVE my family. The love of each is different and each makes me well me, in different ways. This is the space between.
In another, totally vain, but still true way, I have had the baby, but my body isn’t the same as it was before baby. I don’t expect it to be for a while. And still… Nothing fits. Like at all. It’s in between in every aspect of life right now. Thank guru for yoga!!
There is no answer. There isn’t really even a question, this is life. On the mat, off the mat, there is no difference. It is all living in the space in between. Transition, whether it be in flow from one pose to the next or from meditation to life or from home to work life, it’s all just change. The best way to deal is to be present!