lost and found

IMG_3353it doesn’t really matter who you are {mama, dad, woman, man, unicorn}, we go through cycles: lost, found, content, only to find ourself lost again. only to find ourselves and be content. it seems like a vicious cycle this growing business, but isn’t that better than being stagnant and never changing? or worse, not knowing/accepting you’ve changed and then at 50, 60, 70 not know yourself and go searching! um, mid-life crisis 😉

as humans, having a human experience, growth IS always happening. as a yogis, we just see it much faster. we see it as it happens, the transition. ohhhh, that word. transition. the in between. the growth. oh yes, transition is hard. when we were children growing up we felt the heaviness. whether we moved a lot and making the transition to a new school/town or that transitional period between childhood and adulthood often referred to as our teenage years. transition is always happening, but are we better equipped to deal with it now in adulthood?

i hope my answer is yes, but recently i feel like this period of time adjusting to two kiddos has me feeling lost. like looking at the map and pleading to the heavens “just show me where north is, i can figure out the rest!” it’s not even the balance between the boys and making sure everyone is getting attention, oh no, that would be an easy fix. instead it is this lost-ness of self that has my shit all crazy {and to be fair, 5 planets in retrograde may be fucking my shit up too, but who knows}, because being in that awkward phase of growth feels awkward. i mean, everything from how to dress to what music i like seems to cause an emotional stir within me and my meditation and mat practice have me questioning “who am i in the world and in this life?” now, if you’ve never asked yourself this question, well, i don’t know what to tell you. in this moment, it is the most important question i can ask. who am i? what am i bringing to the metaphoric world table?

so here i am, asking myself these questions. some responses are easy: i am a mama, a yogi, a writer, a friend, a partner, a restorative goddess, a eight limb lifer, a house holder, a coffee drinker, a chilled topo chico with lime gal, a ocean lover, a tree hugger, a woman. other parts are harder to see: what does all of that look like? well me, but the i look in the mirror, i don’t see that reflection. how do i create that? OR what is this balance of creation that i am making? can i truly create all the things want in the yoga community and have a happy home life? are they mutually exclusive or is there a way to have them both?

i’m not the first person to ask these questions, not by a long shot, but i ask them of you too, are you growing or changing? have you shed off some layers of what don’t serve? do you look the part of your confident self? or are you hiding your light?  let today be the day you reflect and say hell yes to you!





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