“In chaos, there is fertility.”
― Anaïs Nin
“I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.”
― Bob Dylan
this life is crazy, but it’s good
the last two weeks have been wild, there is no other way to say it.
solo time with the boys and my dad coming to stay and help was a good lesson in “kids say the damnedest things” and chaos is a natural state. this is life. it’s my life. it ebbs and flows, has traumas and dramas, and it is both joyous and incredibly exhausting. chest la vie.
the work is always in progress, i am a work in progress. i am making peace with my inadequacies and the places i see as my short comings. i don’t do “time” very well. i want to be more organized but it feels so tough for me. i have been feeling off, but i haven’t jumped into anything that will make me feel balanced (if this sounds vague, it is. mostly just my physically being tired, but my body is slowly growing intolerant of certain foods too). accepting that i can be content and continue to learn about myself/be a work in progress has taken time, is still taking time. this is life. c’est la vie.
yoga is everything. always will be. my practice is equal parts breathing slowly over my cup of coffee and doing gentle twists or downward dog to make space for my heart and release some tension. i don’t necessarily miss the vinyasa days, but i do miss more community. it is in the future for now, but summer is rapidly approaching and i respect that my attending classes will have to wait until fall. making my home practice more important. c’est la vie.
i want my boys to feel safe in their wild. as elementary school time was approaching, i realized that conditioning bug to sit for extended periods of time isn’t necessary yet. being “wild” (moving while learning, dancing, being interactive, being extremely social) is part of his learning and i am not ready for him to disconnect from that yet. so more montessori for him (and us). we also are working trusting our bodies. trusting our sense of feeling full. trusting when we are tired or our body hurts. not dulling the innate knowledge. i am working on that too. c’est la vie.
this is life right now. c’est la vie.